Is Quality Time Your Appreciation Language?

Several years ago, Compass made a commitment to learning about and investing in employee engagement.  It seemed that at times there was a concerning gap wherein employees did not consistently feel appreciated, but supervisors thought they were participating in great effort to help employees feel valued and seen.  We wanted to learn more about engagement and appreciation, so we invested in consulting and training which led us to The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

The book, written by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Paul White, is based on their previous work on Love Languages.  The basic premise is that we each have primary channels through which we experience and feel love and the same concept applies to how we communicate and feel appreciation at work.  The five languages of appreciation at work are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts and Physical Touch.

We offered training on Languages of Appreciation, invested in surveys so people could find out what their primary language of Appreciation is, added the concept to new employee orientation and it has remained a pivotal influence on our organizational culture.

Do you know what your language of appreciation is?  Click here to take a brief survey.

We are highlighting a language of appreciation each quarter.  We have blind spots to appreciation languages that are not our primary ways of receiving appreciation so it is helpful to spend time periodically thinking about how we can honor others.

The 5^th language of appreciation is physical touch however in a professional environment, this appreciation language is simplified and quite frankly minimized.  People who have Physical Touch as their primary Love language in their personal life do not expect this kind of experience in a work setting.  Physical touch in our work world is more like a celebratory high five or an occasional contextual hug, perhaps in celebration or comfort during difficult times.  You may experience coworkers with physical touch as a primary love language to be more physical in general…they reach out with their hands during conversation or lightly smack your arm when laughing and they give the “touch” a second thought.  Since Physical Touch as an appreciation language is not fully expressed in professional settings, we will not be further discussing it.

This quarter we will highlight Quality Time as an appreciation language.

There are undoubtedly people in your life who you describe as “relational” and connection is their jam.  These folks likely feel appreciated when they receive high quality time with others.  Time is quite different than quality time, as it is not merely about being in physical proximity of someone.  Some people can be in a meeting room all day full of team members and still say they didn’t get quality time with anyone that day.  People whose primary appreciation language is Quality Time are the ones who consistently say yes to optional group activities, seek out one-to-one interactions, and appear to be in their element when the whole team eats lunch together.

Quality Time means creating meaningful interactions by spending dedicated time together.  Honoring and appreciating your Quality Time co-workers does not actually have to take a lot of time.  Sometimes a 5 minute check-in is all it takes.  Be careful though to make sure your time with them is focused and genuine.   Communicating a sense of being rushed by looking at your watch frequently, or allowing yourself to be interrupted by your cell phone does not demonstrate a sense of value to others. Repeatedly rescheduling the date and time you plan to spend with an employee is also likely to offend them and sends the message that they are a low priority.  If supervisors simply send “good job” emails, this won’t resonate as well with an employee whose primary language of appreciation is quality time.  Face time is a symbol of appreciation and belongingness in the workplace.

The most valuable currency we can spend is time.

In work environments, quality time can be individual or collegial.  Individual quality time is one to one attentiveness from a supervisor or leader.  Usually this time is intended for connection, sharing thoughts and observations, asking questions, and mutual input.  Collegial quality time is getting together in groups ideally doing activities together.  This could be as simple at eating lunch with colleagues or rather than setting up for the meeting alone, the whole team chips in to tackle it.  Collegial quality time could also be getting together outside of work with your work friends.

Here are a few ideas and ways to show appreciation to a coworker through Quality Time:

• Take a walk together during the lunch hour.
• Go to lunch together to talk about work-related issues.
• Go to lunch together and NOT talk about work-related issues.
• Spend time sharing ideas and solutions to problems and/or challenges.
• Stop by, sit down in the person’s workspace, and check in with them about how things are going.
• Team building activity, or better yet, an off-site team retreat
• Get together to watch sporting events.
• Give them a call occasionally, just to chat.
• Do more listening than talking when you are with your Quality Time co-worker
• Be the one to initiate the quality time
• Schedule a recurring connection time
• Brainstorm ideas together for a project you’re working on
• Say, “I really missed spending time with you”
• Celebrate workplace anniversaries
• Don’t cancel your check-in time
• Create work buddy opportunities
• Offer mentoring sessions
• When you have a question, go to their cubicle or office instead of texting or emailing them
• Maintain good eye contact during conversations
• Don’t interrupt when listening during quality time